If you are a parent of young children, I am about to make your LIFE. If you only have one child, you probably won't understand the beauty behind this parenting hack like a parent of two or more. And let's be real....if you're a parent of one, you don't need as many parenting hacks as those of us with more than one. My friends, I am outnumbered in my house. There are two of them (Jack, 8 and Sarah, 4 1/2) and only one of me. If they were a little bigger or a little smarter, they could start a mutiny in a flash. So that means I have to train them. I have to train them to cooperate, be kind, love each other, and love me. Otherwise, I will end up bound and gagged and thrown overboard.
So, may I introduce....The Quarter Cup (and yes, there is a penny and maybe a stray dime in there too).
My Quarter Cup has been the single most effective parenting tactic I have found so far. (And because of its effectiveness and my esteem for it, I have decided it deserves to have a proper, capitalized name.) I have tried it all. Chore charts, star charts, allowance, spanking, yelling, crying, hair pulling (my own hair, not theirs), reasoning, and even some begging and bribery. Evvvvverything. It all would work here and there, for a short time......or maybe not at all. But nothing stuck. I was getting to the end of my rope and was talking to my TX mamma at work one day about it. (I should mention that this lady is a child expert. She has directed a preschool for almost two decades and is a mother of 3 herself. She has ideas coming out her you-know-what.) She is who introduced me to the idea of the Quarter Cup.
You see, my problem with my kids wasn't simple (at least not to me anyway). It was a multi-faceted issue. My kids are loving and sweet and kind---by themselves. But put them together and they become a tornado. They're sassy and rude, talk back, aggravate and annoy each other, fight, complain, bicker, and whine. I got to the point that I was grounding them from each other. I told them that if they weren't going to treat their sibling, the one person who should be their friend for life, the right way.......well then you aren't allowed to be together at all. Not in the same room, not at the same table. No talking, no cartoons together. Nothing. And that was partly for their benefit and also for my own mental health. There was SO much bickering going on and I the only one policing it all. I couldn't figure it out. But then Leslee told me what she had done as a stay at home mom in the same situation.
The kids earn quarters for being nice. Cooperative. Encouraging. Not for doing chores, homework, or what they're told. Not for doing tasks. They earn quarters (or lose them) based on their behavior towards each other, me, their classmates, etc. We collect quarters for a month, and once a month we will take that money to this fun fancy ice cream shop in Houston called The Chocolate Bar. There we'll use whatever money they've collected during the month to buy whatever ice cream, candy, or other sugar infused treats they choose.
Right now this probably doesn't sound much different to you than any other chore chart or coin jar hack you've tried. But here's the key to this method that makes it more effective than the rest: There is only ONE cup. If you have 12 kids, you still only put one cup on your counter. If you have one per kid, the effectiveness goes out the window. They are earning quarters together, but only one of them can lose money for the whole group. You see the beauty?? It teaches them #1 to have a goal, but #2 to cheer each other on to reach that goal. Rather than cut each other down, they are now actually helping the other out!! It's a team effort and it works beautifully. Absolutely beautifully. My kids have behaved better in the last couple weeks than they have in the past year. So, get yourself a Quarter Cup and thank me later. :)
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