On Losing My Hair

They say hair is just hair, and it'll grow back.  Yes, this is true.  And I know these words are intended to be encouraging when they're spoken to me.  But I really like my hair.  For the first time in my adult life, I love my hair.  I finally embraced that short hair is my jam, and having a sassy cute cut fits my personality and my face shape perfectly.  I quit the struggle of trying to have Rapunzel long blonde hair and adore short blond bobs. And ohhhh that blond.... it's superb (thanks Melinda!) and the whole package all together is just fan-damn-tastic.  I love love love lovvvvvve my hair.  I do cognitively understand it's just hair, and I realize it will grow back; quicker into this style than it would have if it was still long.  But I'm going to miss it.  And when I start to lose it, I'll probably cry a little.  Or maybe a lot. 

As women we have an emotional attachment to our hair.  I mean for Pete's sake, which of us didn't somehow attach a long blanket or a towel to your head as a kid and run around pretending to be a Disney princess with long, flowing locks whilst prancing and singing??  Just me? Umk.  Our hair is part of us.  Our crown of glory.  We drew it in every self portrait, learned how to braid it, curl it, bought endless clips and ribbons to decorate it.  It's part of who we are.  Losing it will be hard.

I'm on the fence as to whether or not I'm going to get a wig.  I think there's a decent chance I could lose my eyebrows and eyelashes as well (which is a topic for a whole other post), and if that's the case, I will likely just embrace headwraps, hats and beanies until my chemo treatments are over.  Then, maybe for a while I'll sport a cute, super short pixie cut.  I've always wanted to try that, and what a better time than this? Who knows......maybe my hair will grow back completely gray and totally curly and I'll have to learn how to style it all over again, like I did when I was a little girl.  A full circle moment of sorts.  

My mom says I'm a woman of many hairstyles and colors, so in honor of hair, I've included pictures here of me over the years. 

This is my current haircut.  I'm the second girl from the left, standing here with most of my 3rd grade team.  I can wear this hair straight or curly and I just L-O-V-E it!!

High School Senior Prom

Yikes.  Haha.  This is my second year of teaching, I was 23.  This is my natural hair color, which isn't the yikes part.  The yikes part is how different I look!  When I show my kids pictures of me when I was younger, they tell me "Mom, you've definitely gotten better with age." 😂

In the next two photos, I was doing my own box blond hair color.  Again, yikes.

Straight and ratty 

Then I went through a white blond, Barbie phase....

Finally settled on short and a blond that isn't so blinding to the naked eye.....

So, yes, hair is just hair; but when we remember a certain part of our lives, it's the milestone that helps us remember time.  Hmmmm, I had the Barbie hair then, so it must have been 2014ish.  Now my memories might go something like: I had a wig then, so it was for sure in 2024.  Nothing is wrong with this being part of my story.  If anything, it makes my story richer and deeper.  But I also know that there is nothing wrong with going through a little grieving process over having to lose my hair.  That is ok too.  Cancer sucks in a lot of ways.  And this is one of them.